Dear yelling neighbor,

It has come to my attention that you don’t realize how thin the walls are between my room and yours. In other words, every night that you fight with your boyfriend is a night I don’t get any sleep. I’m glad that you have a schedule that permits shouting matches at four in the morning. I do not have such a luxury.

I also do not think you want me hearing every detail about your relationship. I do not even know your name but I know that you don’t like when he calls all the time. You hate that he doesn’t listen to you. You hate that he argues with you. I hate that he argues with you.

If you want my advice (because I am now an expert), end it. The world will be much better off. He makes you cry every night and you probably make him cry. You scream. He screams. You hang up the phone. Next night, you answer the phone.

Please stop. I am begging you. I hate him as much as you hate him. So do us both a favor and END IT!

Your tired neighbor,
CMS