Dear CNN,

Your Democratic presidential debate last night was nicely done. You had a variety of questions and did your best to keep the candidates on topic. That is not easily done with Clinton on the stage for she belligerently breaks the rules and returns to questions Obama has properly finished. While you did not stop her every time, you did the best you could.

Your stage, however, could use some work. I didn’t quite understand the squiggly shape of the table and the checkerboard background. Your patriotic backdrop was ruined by Clinton’s horrendous attire but I understand that you cannot mandate a dress code.

I especially loved how the commentators sat and watched the show. The tension was a tad uncomfortable (mainly because Clinton was the instigator) but the three hosts let them have it. I appreciate that because it backfired on Clinton and it was a beautiful thing to see.

Some advice:
Next time, you should have a few yes-or-no questions and enforce it. It would be a fun twist that could have some interesting outcomes. Clinton, do you like Senator Obama? Are you morally scarred that your husband cheated on you? Was your crying episode in New Hampshire legitimate? Obama, do you realize how awesome you are?

And you should also let them debate until one finally cracks. Days, weeks, however long it takes. It would be a lot quicker than waiting for all of these primaries to happen.

I would also appreciate an applause meter on the screen. It gets hard to tell who gets the most applause and how else can you judge a debate?

Overall, I applaud you CNN. Your debate has shown America that Obama is the right choice and Clinton is shady.

Your loyal viewer,
CMS

Dear procrastination,

You are slowly, but surely, ruining my life. For 20 years I have tried to destroy this habit of mine. The whole idea of being able to go to bed before 2 am, spending more time on assignments, and not walking around campus like a zombie is appealing.

Other times, however, I appreciate you. I like living for deadlines and putting things off as much as possible. In high school, the quote I wrote for my yearbook was ‘Procrastination is merely enjoying life…up until now.’ Most of the time, I agree with this.

Today, however, was not a good situation. Deciding to apply on Monday for an internship, for which the application is due tomorrow, was not good. I spent the last few days frantic: getting letters of recommendations, meetings to go over my cover letter, requesting transcripts. By the time I had it all together, there was barely enough time to mail it. Sprinting to the post office is not my idea of fun. I was late to work, sweating in thirty degree weather, and still unsure if it will get in by the deadline.

So tonight I’m going to bed with the goal of ending my habit. Perhaps it will last the rest of the semester, or even just a week. It might not even last through tomorrow. But that’s ok…I can always put it off till next week.

Your faithful client,
CMS

Dear Barack Obama,

Thank you. Ten months ago, I despised politics. I watched in disgust as our country started to come apart, which I blamed on the government. In particular, white middle-aged men. More particularly, George W. Bush.

Then I saw you on a talk show. I suddenly felt this sense of hope. If there was anybody that could restore America, it is you. I waited anxiously until you officially declared that you were running for President.

Since then, I have become addicted to politics. I watch the news religiously to keep track of the primaries, delegates, and other words I never before understood. When you came to Boston the night before Super Tuesday, I stood for two hours in thirty degree weather, on a bridge, in a line of eight thousand people, just to hear you speak. When I finally got into the arena, I could not even see you. But I heard you.

The rest of America is hearing you too. I want to thank you for inspiring a nation. I want to thank you for inspiring me. My whole life I have only seen the Clinton and Bush families live in the White House. That’s probably why I hated politics so much. It is time to see a change.

Thank you for giving me a reason to vote.

All my support,
CMS

Dear yelling neighbor,

It has come to my attention that you don’t realize how thin the walls are between my room and yours. In other words, every night that you fight with your boyfriend is a night I don’t get any sleep. I’m glad that you have a schedule that permits shouting matches at four in the morning. I do not have such a luxury.

I also do not think you want me hearing every detail about your relationship. I do not even know your name but I know that you don’t like when he calls all the time. You hate that he doesn’t listen to you. You hate that he argues with you. I hate that he argues with you.

If you want my advice (because I am now an expert), end it. The world will be much better off. He makes you cry every night and you probably make him cry. You scream. He screams. You hang up the phone. Next night, you answer the phone.

Please stop. I am begging you. I hate him as much as you hate him. So do us both a favor and END IT!

Your tired neighbor,
CMS

Dear New York Giants,

How dare you. In one game, seventeen points, and nothing to lose, you broke the heart of New England. We were going to make history. We were going to prove to that damn Miami Dolphins 1972 team that we were in the same category as them, perhaps better. We broke all the records. We shocked the analysts. We were the team you could not hate; we were that good. All we needed was sixty more minutes. 3600 seconds.

Now it means nothing. You shouldn’t have won. You shouldn’t have even been in the playoffs. It defies the rules of the universe.

Maybe New England got too comfortable. Maybe we’re so used to being the underdog that we got caught up in being the champions. We wanted the dynasty and we were convinced we would have it. This was the season of no questions. We were the best. We still are the best. But instead of a ring to prove it, we have to defend it.

Yes, Bill Belichick should have worn his grey sweatshirt. There are no excuses for that. Yet you are the reason we lost and for that I cannot forgive you.

Wear your ring in shame; you stole it.

All my hatred,

CMS